Once Upon a Beginning...
“When you accept that the
paradigm can break at any moment, only then are you ready for the now.”
With my eyes closed, listening to
the meditative voice of the monk as it echoes in the temple: “Breathe in”.
Despite of the fact that my eyes remain closed, they seem to inwardly open in
many directions inside my mind. The number of details, people, memories, things
I forgot about and things I am reminding myself of seem to be ridiculously
enormous. “Breathe out” I breathe letting some of my entangled thoughts out.
For some unknown reason, with the
4th time the monk guided us through the breathing order, tears
started falling down my cheeks. The order “Breathe” turned out to be the kindest
thing I have heard or chosen to listen to for such a long time. As tears came
down un-apologetically. I asked myself, why am I crying? – All I know that the
answer was cruelty! Yes, I felt I have been so cruel to myself, with all that
running around carrying a bag of limiting beliefs, unresolved emotions, fears,
anxiety and hiding in being there for others to subconsciously forget about
myself or exempt myself from the inner work I needed to do. Not only owls are
good with camouflage!
There were uncontrollable tears
coming down from a confident place deep inside me that was hiding, in a way it
felt like a loyal soul guardian protecting my true essence; waiting for me to
connect with it so it can pin me down to a moment where it knew I would be
finally listening to tell me all the things I needed to listen to. Later on, I was
re-introduced to this sound as my inner child, where all the wisdom I need
exists in abundance.
This moment marks the first
silence retreat I decided to go to in 2006, whilst I was settled in the South
East of England. I would have embarked on a life long journey of commitment to
learning; starting off with my second post graduate qualification in coaching.
Graduating in 2007 and launching my practice in Hampstead, London in the same
year.
I have always had a passion for
being there for human beings, understanding them and supporting them with what
I could. I was born with a thirst to nurture living things. When I first
started writing at the age of 13, I realised that human beings are one of the
most sophisticated creations on earth. The same conclusion that led me to study
coaching and human psyche after graduating with a major in Economics I also realised
that If I want to leave anything behind in the world, it better be a human
being’s heart smiling. I took the road less travelled.
The idea of studying coaching was
sparked by a post-despair moment in 2002 after a successful launch event that I
oragnised for an international project in the MENA region. Late on site at 12
am after the event has ended; I was there listening the sound of the shredder
as it deletes time that I have invested pouring my heart and time on strategies
that became obsolete. And for a moment there, I froze! Horrified by the idea
that this is it! For a moment I felt my life is being shredded too and that was
scary. Possibly the first panic attack I had, only then I didn’t call it so.
All I knew at that moment were two things; If I am ever going to make a
lasting impact, it would be to make a human being’s smile and if I want to make
that happen then I need to seriously understand how do human beings work! It
was the Eureka moment.
From that realisation the journey
unraveled to reach a moment where I decided to understand magic within us and the
divine. I started a journey of learning that concludes to date; studying coaching,
filmmaking, Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy (CBT), positive and
transpersonal psychology, drama therapy, art therapy, practical philosophy, mindfulness,
meditation and currently integrative nutrition and health coaching. When I founded my practice I also started shaping
the future of a long journey of not only healing others while maturing with what does my
practice mean to me at different stages in my life, moreover and mostly
learning about myself and its inner journey of healing.
Besides the fact that almost the
entire world is witnessing an unprecedented times in history staying home due
to a pandemic; I have tried hundreds of time to create a website for my
practice, the result is I always found it hard to finish it, and at times
when it was finished I hardly promoted it. Staying at home meant slowing down
again and taking time to breathe in and breathe out, cleansing, filtering,
processing, re-building, and charging again for a new beginning where things
are clearer and better. That is my hope and what I aim to work for.
It is the first time since ages that
I have been given a guilt free ride to relax and though proven hard to start
with due to a collective moment of traumatic stress and global uncertainty. I
realised I have also been on a “fight or flight” state that was exhausting my
sympathetic nervous system and depleting my energy and my magic box of tricks to
overcome challenges with inner abundance. This stopped me from transcending
and creating circles of light around me as I wanted. Since 2014, the same year
that Dad died, my life was like a stormy sea with limited intervals of
stillness and calm. Alas, “a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”.
There is nothing left for me now
but to write; in the shadow of an unprecedented global challenge, a universe
reclaiming its right to heal and a collective transformation moment in the
consciousness of humanity. Our lives have just dramatically changed. Humanity’s
fate has been altered and no one can jump boat. With a dauntless heart, I pray
for the best to come despite of all odds. That is how it has always worked. Held
in the power of universal silence I was finally able to remember that if I am
going to continue to honour my core values, it
will have to come from my own true essence, my authenticity, my intuitive
abundance, my inner journey and personal experience. I can only process this
life from my own personal experience.
I am not here to promote or
market. I am not here to tell people what to do. I am not here to sell pre-packaged
solutions or off the shelf placebo effect. I am here to be real and personal. I
am here to enhance the quality of my own experience in life and consequently be
able to do the same for others around me. I am here to fulfill my passions. I
am here to write about my personal journey. I am here to share with you my
journey as it was in the hope that it would inspire others, and with the belief
that the best form of healing was always inspired by storytelling. So here it
is to the inspiration of “once upon a time” and the power of a “semi-colon”
that invites us to keep on going and trusting the universe has got our back!
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