The Hoopoe Ring!

Labouring my heart through years to overcome my Mum’s loss in my teen years, failed attempts at relationships and losing my Dad in 2014. Excelling in jobs that I didn't like mostly because I have always had this relationship of convenient inconvenience with capitalism, however, had to pay the bills, pay for my post graduate degrees and chase dreams of creating my own healing and wellness practice/house "The Hoopoe House". In between, I have also moved countries, houses and been challenged with a long journey of finding, loosing and re-finding mature and kind humane connections, most importantly mad enough to still believe in magic and self made fairy-tales.

It has taken me years to realise what I am today, and in those years I have learned how to show up with a shattered heart and an exposed vulnerability but yet keep on going, believing in the power of one day at a time; and if it was too hard then I would break it down to one moment at a time. 

I have always found the ability to become a healer a blessing in so many ways, yet, healers, if not cautious can hide in the journeys of healing others. 

In 2017, I had traumatic stress that led to an autoimmune reaction in my body. I thought I can manage despite of everything in me that started loosing the will to go on. My heart was miserable like never before and I ignored it or thought I was finding resolutions for it, while all I was doing was burying how I felt and pretending everything was fine while everything in me was falling apart. 

I was born and raised in a house that made me believe that I was born free, what’s more they gave me wings too! My inner child, childhood conditioning and intuition knew it and they saved me!

I started realising something was not working in my life when I started finding difficulty before sleeping due to swollen and inflamed joints, with a throbbing discomfort in my feet and hands, as if they were telling me we don't want to go on anymore, no, not in that direction! They were screaming at me: How dare you betray your loyalty to your beliefs and core values? How dare you fail to walk your talk? But I did, and continued to ignore them and me altogether!

My body, our bodies are our most faithful servants! They will fight for us and demand our right to live and given half a chance they would heal themselves. If you have ever wondered about the most amazing love story in the world it would have to be between your body and you! It labours for you unconditionally no matter what shit you put it through! And unless we are loyal to ourselves, our ability to be loyal to any of our choices in life gets tormented. 

The swollen hands and feet, started turning into swollen joints all over, it was hard to sleep, hard wake up and hard to get going. But I also did! Until one day, I woke up with my entire body swollen, my face, my arms, my legs and everything. 

If you know me, you would know I am not pro artificial interventions with the body. I believe in the power and magic of nature. I am also someone who would choose to hurt herself but not others even if others are hurting her, which is not right and certainly meant that my compromises were all about putting myself through misery so as not to hurt others. 

Somehow I have developed the belief that I can heal myself since I am a healer, which was wrong. I needed someone to hold my space but yet I put myself in stressful situations and tried to come to everyone and everything in my life from a healer perspective. I was set out on a mission to heal the world thinking I would find my salvation until I was depleted. And guess what, I was too ashamed to admit my depletion too! Not only because I didn't want to burden those around me, I also wanted to stand up for my responsibility of being there for my seekers but I also didn't trust anyone would particularly be there for the way I needed myself to be there for me! I knew that was the deal breaker; being there for myself! 

I believe we are a part of the universe and therefore engineered to grow and bloom through only natural, organic and holistically wholesome interactions. My body was stronger than me, it was showing me the way back to my freedom. It longed for flying and I had it pinned to too many chains.

I embarked on a journey of fixing myself, armed with nothing but my intuitive compass. Alone and in less than two months, I moved to a new house, ended a relationship that was harming me, found a new job, and started an integrative nutrition programme with an amazing Health Coach. This programme helped by my determination and resilience filled a large gap in my continuous commitment to my inner work and personal healing journey. 

Sometimes the weirdest things in life save us, things as simple and minuscule as choosing to land your next step in a different direction just because you saw an ant crossing the street and you didn't want to harm it! And it was despite of swollen joints one of those moments where I now look back and think to myself “I must have done something good in my childhood.”

Over the past two years, I have learned too many great lessons that it would be hard to pin them down here and now. Most importantly, I have reached new miles of growing in love with myself, listening to my body and holistically honouring myself; mind, body, heart and soul. I have finally came to a closure with a long healing journey from an abuse trauma that I have experienced in my childhood, mind you I have had wonderful parents and an amazing childhood, but these things happen and it took me too long to be able to put it in words because I was always worried their image would be tormented, but it wont, because it was nothing that anyone in the world would have expected and they literally could not have done anything to stop it. I have now forgiven all those who hurt me and let them go as wide apart as universally possible. I have taken the learning from the pain they have put me through and turned it into an additional deposit of magic in my abundant magic pot.

Over the past years, I have acquired a deeper knowledge for my practice, I come from a more enlightened and holistically empowered place of serving my seekers and even loving and supporting those close to me, I was blessed by beautiful people along the path, one of my most important dreams came true that I sometimes still cant believe myself! I have also kept labouring on finding what is best for my body and will continue to do. It still comes back as an alert every-time I let myself be stressed or unhappy. As if it is sending me a warning message. 

For the rest of my life, I want to be authentically in joy and happy health, I want to transcend peace, love, joy, warmth, vitality and radiance in abundance. 

Hoopoes have always appeared to me as spiritual guidance and mentors in the most unexpected moments of the journey. I knew that there is hope, a turning point with much goodness to come if I see them. They are one of my spirit animals and like all Disney princesses and heroines; part of my team of courage helpers, along with squirrels, butterflies, horses and many others from the animal kingdom! 

So, the recurrent appearance of Hoopoes, my auto-immune alarm, coupled with a happy realistaion of existence that occurred earlier this year and which I maybe writing more about later, I decided to make myself a Hoopoe ring with "I Love Thee" engraved next to the hallmark, to remind myself of the radical truth that whenever we seem to forget it we become tormented in confusion, anxiety and loss. I needed to commit to myself in love before I can commit to anyone anymore. I needed to accept it fully with all there is to fully transcend with radical authenticity. I needed to meet my edges and soften. Above all, I needed to find this unconditional love that I was always seeking in me before I am ever able to fully give it or receive it as abundantly as I want. 

My hoopoe ring serves as a reminder, which I can now wear it most of the time, unless my joints starts swelling again so I take it off for a while and put it on again. The sight of the Hoopoe enlightens my heart! And the sentence inside has now nudged me a couple of times when I was muddled in life's situations to remind me of my oath to myself...I LOVE THEE.

So here it is to autoimmune messages from our beloved loyal servant of truth; our bodies and to happy realisations of existence. 

Gratitude, love and Abundance. 

(P.S. The ring was produced by Yasmeen Mahgoub, who is a Jewellery Designer and a beautiful soul:)).

You can find more of my work and practice @thehoopoehouse :)

ReplyForward